Mistakes
by Caricature of a Witch
Summary: Glinda wakes up... sitting in a chair in front of a burning candle, and she remembers... mostly bookverse, oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** For Oz' sake, of course it's not mine... this is a fanfiction site, remember?! I mean, really. It's Maguire's mainly, and belongs to some others too, especially when it comes to the musical. Though this is more bookverse. Whatever. Nothing belongs to me but this scene, anyway, and the beginning of the scene isn't even really mine either because I just extended a scene from the book. Duh.

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**Mistakes**

Lady Glinda woke with a start and blinked a few times, trying to figure out her surroundings. A light flickered in front of her eyes, but it took a moment to adjust them. A candle.

Straightening herself she realized she wasn't in her bed but sitting at a window. Her neck felt sore, and she wondered how long she'd been in this position. Had she fallen asleep here? And why that candle?

She sighed, somehow not wanting at all to get up and return to her warm, comfortable bed. Chuffrey would be sleeping in the room just next to hers, snoring. She didn't want to put up with that now. Watching the small flame flicker with every breath she took, she let her thoughts wander. In her mind, she re-lived the past, the days of her youth. Shiz seemed to return, shining brightly and colorful; the prominent color being green. How she longed to turn back the time, to prevent her younger self from making the mistakes she had made... Perhaps everything would have turned out differently, though she doubted her own actions had been of that much importance. Still, she liked to imagine they had. Pictures appeared in front of her eyes as she closed them. Pictures of Ama Clutch being alive. Pictures of herself telling Shenshen off for being such a bitch. Pictures of herself and Boq being together, perhaps. And pictures of Elphaba... her Elphie. Not leaving for the Emerald City. Elphaba graduating together with her, on top of all classes of course. Oh, and pictures she had dreamed about even back then, for a while... Elphie and her having a flat share. She'd never told anyone – it would have been highly improper and not her place at all. She'd always been supposed to find a good husband and live a high class life with him, just as she did. But that didn't mean she couldn't have dreams that were different from that idea of a life.

The candle flared a bit, and hot wax dripped on the windowsill with a quiet sizzling tone. Absentmindedly she put her finger in it, ignoring the sting and waiting until it dried and covered her fingertip. Peeling it off, she tried to shake off the dull ache she felt in her chest. Why couldn't she just undo her mistakes? All of them? Again she saw her green friend, this time they were back at Colwen Grounds. She saw what had happened – her fight with Elphaba, who had appeared so broken although she had tried to hide it. Oh, those blasted shoes. Why did they have to do that, how had it come to this? Glinda suppressed the urge to hit herself with her tiny fist. She could have acted so differently... that Dorothy girl couldn't have come far. She might have called her back, it would have been easy to get the shoes back from her. Elphaba wouldn't have had a reason to be so angry. Dorothy might have gotten another safe way to the Emerald City, or she wouldn't have needed one. The Wizard was a fraud anyway, always had been... she and Elphie could have found a way. Together. As they had been supposed to.

But as it were, the last words she'd exchanged with Elphie had been filled with rage. None of them had understood the other. And as Glinda stared past her almost burned-down candle at the stars, she felt her eyes tear up. Their last words to one another... she felt like she had to take that literal. Somewhere deep inside her there was a hole that had not been there before. Something was missing. Life seemed less colorful, like one color had disappeared and left the others to form a new world, that was still painted, but not as brightly as the old one. She could see the City outside, but it was no longer green. It was grey in the faint moonlight.

The first tear slowly made its way down her cheek.

And then, at some point, there was a soft, rustling sound behind her. As she turned, she saw a figure standing in the candle's soft light, casting eerie shadows that danced around the wall behind. Glinda didn't say a word, she just watched as the figure took a few steps toward her and removed a wide-brimmed hat, revealing her face.

„Hello, Glinda," the figure said, with a low, raspy voice that Glinda knew just too well. The face she saw looked as if all the color that had vanished from the city collected just there, an emerald green that was darker around her cheekbones and on her eyelids.

„Elphie...?" Glinda did not trust her eyes, and her own voice sounded faint and insecure. For seconds, both merely stood there looking at one another, than Glinda suddenly lurched forward, stopping short just before she touched Elphaba as if afraid that she'd disappear if she did. „I... I thought I'd never see you again..."

A sad smile graced the green lips. „Why, you were right, my sweet... You don't."

Glinda was confused. „What do you mean?"

„You won't see me again."

„But – why?"

„You can't. You don't now, either."

Glinda stared her, not understanding a word. Elphaba sighed. „I'm a dream, my sweet. A product of your imagination, nothing more..." She swallowed thickly, her eyes glistening and looking right through Glinda, as they had always done. Right through her skin and into her very soul.

Tentatively, Glinda reached out, streched her arm just far enough so she could touch Elphaba's hand which was clutching a wooden broomstick. When she found that she could actually touch her, she ignored what she had just heard and all but jumped at Elphaba, enveloping in a hug. The green woman stumbled a bit but catched herself in time, smiling softly and wrapping her arms securely around the blonde's shaking body.

„Oh Elphie," she sobbed, „I'm so sorry – so sorry for everything I did! I shouldn't have – It was stupid of me to-"

„Shhh,", Elphaba soothed, rubbing small circles on Glinda's back, „it's alright. It's okay. Don't blame yourself."

„But I-"

„No." Elphaba took a step back and looked Glinda in the eyes. „It wasn't your fault. None of this. Don't you ever believe that. If anyone, then it's me you should blame... You had no influence whatsoever. I chose to go mad all alone." Her smile was sad, and bitter, but a smile nonetheless. Glinda stared at her.

„...Mad? What do you mean, mad? Y-you said... you're just... a dream? You're not actually here...?" Glinda bit her lip and tried to hold back more tears. „Where are you, then? And why- what-"

Elphaba shook her head. „I'm sorry, Glinda," she whispered. „It's too late. I'm... gone. You were right. You won't see me again."

Struggling to understand what her Dream of Elphaba was saying, Glinda suddenly gasped in horror. „You – you're _gone?_ You mean, you're... you're... d-dead?!"

Elphaba shrugged. „Well... yes." Uncomfortably shifting her weight, she explained: „As I said, I went a bit crazy... let's just say that Dorothy wanted something from me that I did not have, that was not mine to give, and I couldn't. And I... snapped."

„You... snapped?"

„I snapped. I set my broom on fire and tried to scare her away with it." She nodded to the wood in her hand and snorted. „Don't look at me like that, I know that was a stupid idea. Anyway, my skirt caught flames... I was a little tired and not exactly concentrating on what I was doing. And, well... she was nicer than anticipated, I guess." She noticed Glinda's confused expresion and pulled a face. „She tried to put the fire out. Well, she did put it out all right. Water does that to flames."

Water does that to flames... Glinda shuddered and unconsciously moved and held Elphaba closer. Tears leaked from her eyes. Water didn't only put out flames.

„I'm so sorry,", she whispered, over and over, crying into Elphaba's shoulder but carefully saw to it that none of her tears fell on naked skin. Not that there was all that much naked skin anyway.

Elphaba stroke her hair and murmured unintelligible things into her ear until she calmed down.

The horizon showed the first light off the rising sun as they broke apart at last. Elphaba wiped away a lonely tear on Glinda's cheek, ignoring the sting. „Hold out, my sweet," she murmured, and kissed her, and Glinda thought she might fall apart all over again. „Hold out, as long as you can. And don't look for the mistakes you might have made. Just don't repeat the mistakes I made myself."


End file.
